- I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
- And with those famous words, Stanley Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb officially crosses over into the realm of nuclear insanity. The man uttering them is an air force base commander with the wonderful name of Jack D. Ripper (Sterling Hayden). Ripper's cigar-chomping fortitude and determination would seemingly make him the perfect military leader, were it not for the fact that he is also completely mad. As he patiently explains in a series of stark, low-angle shots to the understandably hesitant RAF Captain Mandrake (Peter Sellers), "war is too important to be left to politicians." That's why he has ordered a coordinated series of nuclear airstrikes on Soviet targets. By the time the Pentagon realizes what has happened, they'll have no choice but to commit to an all-out nuclear war. Oh, and have you ever wondered why General Ripper drinks only rainwater and grain alcohol?
- Back in the Pentagon, President Merkin Muffley (also Sellers) desperately tries to find a way out of this conundrum. It appears that Ripper has taken advantage of an obscure attack plan that effectively cuts off communication between the bombers and their command bases once the order is given. The only recourse is to issue a special command prefix, a code that is naturally known only to Ripper himself. "I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons," the President protests. As the ever-euphemizing General Buck Turgidson notes, "Although I hate to judge before all the facts are in, it's beginning to look like General Ripper exceeded his authority." It doesn't take long for Turgidson to suggest precisely the response that Ripper had in mind when he ordered the attacks. "You're talking about mass murder, General, not war!" objects the President. "I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed," Turgidson replies.
- As the politicians and generals debate their options, one flight crew remains determined to complete its mission. Led by the dedicated Major Kong (Slim Pickens), a cowboy type who trades in his flight helmet for a Stetson once orders are recieved, this particular bomber is going to take out its targets at any cost. Unfortunately, their radio has been damaged by a Russian missile attack, making it impossible for them to recieve the command code that Captain Mandrake finally infers from General Ripper's insane notes. Still, it would seem like the President's plan to work with the Russian ambassador (Peter Bull) to contact and/or destroy all of the bombers was a success, given that only one made it through. That is, unless the Russian doomsday machine is activated. "How is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically and at the same time be impossible to untrigger?" asks the President. As the queer-voiced German weapons scientist and title character (Sellers again) explains, "Mr. President, it is not only possible, it is essential."
- If nothing else, Dr. Strangelove certainly provides some immensely memorable, witty, and quotable illustrations of Groucho Marx's quip that "military intelligence is a contradiction in terms." My reaction to the film, which I've seen at least four times now, is always initially that the satire is a little too over-the-top just before recalling the actions of Joe McCarthy, Edward Teller, and countless other modern political and military analogues. In my most recent viewing, I was especially struck by the hilarity of a room full of old men deciding that fallout bunkers should feature a ten-to-one female-to-male ratio while the film's only female character (Tracy Reed) is stuck in a hotel room wondering if Turgidson respects her as human being. Although much of the film's humor is verbal in nature, it would be remiss of me not to mention several of the film's justifiably famous scenes, including Major Kong riding a bomb like a bucking bronco or the series of nuclear detonations that conclude the film to the sounds of "We'll Meet Again." As a final note, I've always been disappointed that Sellers gets most of the attention in discussions of this film. While his performances are adequate, none of his three portrayals top those of Hayden, Scott, and Pickens, all of whom are perfect in their roles.
- James Earl Jones also appears as one of Kong's crew.
- Although there are probably a hundred great quotes from this film, I'll go with "He'll see the Big Board!" as my favorite. Or anything that Sterling Hayden says.
