- Location: Regal Colony Square Stadium 12
- Dear Lord of the Rings film trilogy,
- There's no easy way to say this, but I think it's time that we stopped seeing each other. Don't get me wrong, I've loved you for over ten years now, especially The Fellowship of the Ring, but lately I feel like you've been showing up when and where you aren't really wanted or needed. Now, don't get me wrong--I'm not blaming you. It's not you, it's me. Actually, it's not me, either. It's mostly directors of fantasy films that have been borrowing liberally from you to create films that are not even ten percent as good.
- Take Snow White and the Huntsman, for example. It's got the black, grunting horses and the anonymous evil army chasing a rider in white through the forest. It's got a stable of actors of average stature hidden behind dirty beards and magically "dwarfed" down to half-size. It's even got the circling overhead shots of an unlikely set of companions crossing hill, dale, cavern, and mountain while crows loom overhead. There's a near-death at the end, followed by a rallying cry to arms directed at those who have been driven from their homes. Needless to say, this is followed by a large-scale CGI battle featuring the latest in fiery trebuchet technology. And the little faeries look like Gollum. A lot.
- Although Snow White and the Huntsman is as visually derivative a fantasy film as one could imagine (I didn't even mention that is also poaches from Princess Mononoke and, more understandably, Disney's Snow White), the film's look is honestly not the biggest problem. Neither is the acting, which features a surprisingly tolerable Kristen Stewart as Snow White, Chris Hemsworth doing a not unpleasant cross between Aragorn and Thor, Charlize Theron chewing all available scenery as the petulant evil Queen, and Bob Hoskins making the best of being reduced to an aged dwarf. The real problem is that this is a filmed fairy tale with very few interesting or novel ideas. Some people would criticize such fare as mindless escapism, but the fact is that film and TV are so saturated with agonizingly familiar versions of fairy tales these days that the audience really isn't escaping anything by watching. An interesting story or a better script could have salvaged such a project, but this film is content merely to apply a few twists, such as giving the evil queen a sympathetic backstory and having Snow White fall in love with someone other than a prince. The result is a film that looks decent enough, but feels painfully stale.
- But I'm sorry I took that out on you, Lord of the Rings. Thanks for listening. Now, can we still be friends?
- I missed mentioning several actors, including Sam Spruell, Sam Claflin, Ian McShane, Ray Winstone, Nick Frost, Eddie Marsan, and Toby Jones.
