- Not to brag, but I'm the kind of guy who can name multiple costumed midnight movie hosts. I've seen all the original episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Much to my regret, I've watched movies with titles like Monsturd, Robot Jox, and Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid. In other words, I've survived and occasionally even laughed through some of the worst garbage that cinema has to offer. As such, it's only natural that I would eventually seek out Tommy Wiseau's The Room, a film that has quickly garnered a reputation as this generation's Plan 9 From Outer Space.
- Paradoxically, The Room is both better and worse than I expected. In the plus column, I didn't spot any boom mics or camera reflections, and the shots were often (if not always) in focus. Furthermore, I could always hear and understand what the actors were saying. These are admittedly low hurdles, but you'd be surprised how many films don't clear them. Sure, the film employs roughly ten too many generic shots of San Francisco as ineffective scene transitions, but I nonetheless claim without hesitation that Wiseau is a better director than he is a writer or an actor. Which brings us to his writing and acting, both of which are pretty terrible.
- I'm on the fence about whether or not The Room has a plot. It certainly features characters, revolving around the strange relationship between Johnny (Wiseau) and Lisa (Juliette Danielle). Although Johnny constantly refers to Lisa as his "future wife," she initiates an affair with Johnny's best friend Mark (Greg Sestero) and constantly complains to everyone, especially her mother (Carolyn Minnott), that she doesn't love Johnny anymore. Eventually, Johnny commits suicide after the world's least fun indoor/outdoor party. There's also this weird kid Denny (Philip Haldiman) who hangs around a lot and may be involved in drugs? And friends (Robyn Paris, Mike Holmes) who engage in some truly awkward food-related lovemaking?? Also, Lisa's mother has breast cancer??? Details that seem like they could evolve into subplots are mentioned once and never heard from again.
- I imagine most of The Room's (presumably ironic) fans appreciate its dialogue, which sounds like a series of conversations from the first week of a foreign language class. Johnny constantly greets everyone with a meme-inducing "Oh, hi" and peppers all conversations with his discomforting half-laugh. Lisa utters the line "I don't want to talk about it" at least half a dozen times and is referred to as a "tramp" by more than one character. The film squeezes three similar-yet-unconvincing sex scenes into its first half hour. My favorite moment is certainly when a store clerk claims not to recognize Johnny because he's wearing sunglasses, despite the fact that Wiseau's "21st-century vampire" wardrobe, accent, and coiffure render him unmistakeable. Ultimately, The Room reminded me most of those 90's late-night Cinemax features that contained too little explicit sex to be properly pornographic and yet too little content to be mistaken for anything else. Believe me when I say that there are worse films out there, but you wouldn't want to see them.
